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In the 25+ years Janet Lansbury has worked with children and parents, she's learned a lot. She's here to share it with you. Each episode of Unruffled addresses a reader's parenting issue through the lens of Janet's respectful parenting approach, consistently offering a perspective shift that ultimately frees parents of the need for scripts, strategies, tricks, and tactics.Janet is a parenting author and consultant whose website (JanetLansbury.com) is visited by millions of readers annually. Her work informs, inspires, and s caregivers of infants and toddlers across the globe, helping to create authentic relationships of respect, trust, and love.Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury. Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or wherever you buy your books. Featured in The New Yorker, recommended 'Best Parenting Podcast' by The Washington Post, The New York Times, USA Today, The Cut, Fatherly, Today's Parent, and many, many more.Please note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and advice presented on this podcast by Janet Lansbury and her guests are based on their training and experience. Opinions are offered in good faith but do not constitute professional, psychiatric, or medical advice, neither are they intended to be. You do not have to use this information, and it should not be substituted for qualified medical expertise.Copyright JLML Press (2025) All Rights Reserved
My Boy Seems Anxious, Sensitive, Easily Overwhelmed... Is This Normal?
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet responds to three parents who are worried that their kids seem overly anxious and sensitive in social situations. Each parent has tried to be patient and trusting, but they wonder if their child's temperament may be abnormal, especially when compared to their peers. Aside from frustration and concern, one parent says: "I'm so lost... Sometimes I feel shame — not about him — but because I want to do fun things with him, but he always pulls back and retreats." Janet offers advice and a lot of encouragement. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
29:31
Discipline Isn't Working - 3 Common Reasons and What To Do Instead
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Effective discipline can be confusing! It can feel like we're working so hard to be caring, empathetic, and patient with our kids—and not lose our temper—yet still, the challenging behaviors keep happening. And then when we try to set boundaries, our child has a meltdown that seems to last forever. What are we doing wrong? In this episode of "Unruffled" Janet explores three common reasons our attempts at respectful discipline can end up being ineffective. She suggests nuanced adjustments that can make all the difference. Her recommendations will not only help to simplify our approach (for the win!) but also help our kids to feel safe, seen, and ed, deepening our parent-child bonds. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
30:05
Struggling with a Strong-Willed Toddler's Tantrums
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
This week Janet consults with the single mother of a 2.5-year-old who's concerned about how she's handling her daughter's behaviors. She describes her toddler as strong-willed, smart, intuitive, loving, sweet, and caring, but when she doesn't get what she wants, she loses it, throwing things, hitting, and screaming. This parent realizes that her daughter's behavior is developmentally normal and maybe even necessary, but it upsets her, as the model she was raised with was entirely different. "I grew up under the auspices of spare the rod, spoil the child," she says. "I don't want that for my baby. I will not be that kind of mom. She deserves better." Janet makes several observations as to how this parent is already achieving her goals, and offers advice for framing her toddler's behaviors in a manner that will make it easier for this mom to calm herself and continue nurturing their relationship in a positive direction. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
33:52
How to Handle Our Kids' Obsessive Jealousy
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Bossiness. Toy taking. Unkind words. Hitting. Behaviors like these are particularly common between siblings but can happen with peers as well, and they're frustrating and disturbing for us to witness. How to we address them? Separate the warring factions? Issue a mandate? Negotiate a settlement? Perhaps just let it play out? In this episode, a parent writes that her four-year-old loves his 2.5-year-old sister dearly, but "he is insanely jealous, obsessed with having the same or more than her, whether it's food, toys, Easter eggs, crayons... It seemed like a phase, but it's become an obsession." This mom describes all the strategies she's tried to deal with her son's behavior, but to no avail. After considering the causes and conditions of this boy's behavior, Janet offers a respectful approach she believes help alleviate the situation for all. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
33:25
3 Ways to Lift Your Parenting Spirits (with Loryn Brantz)
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Loryn Brantz is an Emmy-winning author, illustrator, and mom of two, who once built puppets for Sesame Street. Loryn ed Janet on a previous episode of "Unruffled" to talk about parenting a child with disabilities, sharing the joys and challenges of her journey with honesty and her signature warmth and wit. Her new book "Poems of Parenting" is a funny, touching, and totally relatable collection about her ups and downs raising kids, the awkward and sometimes difficult moments she's come to cherish, and ultimately how she's come to embrace her role as a parent. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
32:02
In an Age of Anxiety, How to Stop Worrying and Raise Less Stressed Kids (with Dr. William Stixrud)
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet’s guest is Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of "The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives." Bill Stixrud's decades of experience counseling children and their parents have led to conclusions that complement and Janet's own parenting philosophy, especially topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. And since many of Bill's clients have been with him from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, he has the benefit of seeing the results of his practice. In this encore episode, Bill and Janet discuss the value of giving our kids opportunities to make choices, discover and pursue their ions, and the challenges and benefits of being a non-anxious presence (because our "calm is contagious"). Dr. Stixrud is the founder of The Stixrud Group, a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center, and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
48:19
Discipline That Works - Your Best Responses to Your Kids' Behaviors
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Respectful, effective discipline can be challenging for us to learn, and experience is our best teacher! With that in mind, Janet shares several encouraging success stories from parents who faced frustrating or infuriating, sometimes alarming challenges with their kids. Subjects include disobedience, bedtime struggles, tantrums, aggressiveness, hitting, self-care, boundaries, and more. Each parent describes their before-and-after experience as they implemented advice or strategies from Janet's "No Bad Kids" approach. With each small success, parents found new confidence in their leadership, a sense of surety and calm in their interactions, and the realization that their relationship with their kids was growing stronger than ever. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
22:52
How to Stop the Screaming
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
There's nothing unusual about a child screaming, but sometimes it can become a go-to response to any situation. Janet responds to a parent who says her 3-year-old has become "stuck on screaming... She screams at her friends in the park, at my mom, at my dad, at my husband, at strangers..." And because of this parent's childhood environment, her daughter's screaming is triggering. She says it's very difficult for her to stay calm and reasonable. At times, it becomes too much for her, and although she realizes the irony in this, she ends up screaming back. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
25:43
Play That Builds Skills and Bonds Us (with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson)
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence. The guidelines Tina and Georgie offer in "The Way of Play" help make connecting through play easy, natural, and fun as well as richly effective for learning and bonding. As Tina explains, "The temptation can be to take over the play or be too instructive or didactic, to think we need to teach all kinds of lessons. But what's really powerful, as we follow our child's lead, is to be able to dive into their world." Janet and Tina do their own deep dive into all of these topics and more. Then they both respond to a letter from a parent struggling with her 4-year-old’s aggressive behaviors. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
44:19
Crying at Separation
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Is it ever okay to say no to our child's requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
26:19
When to Let Kids Quit
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won't cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent's letter in this podcast are common ones: If our child is clearly distressed by an activity or outright rejecting it—even if they agreed to it to begin with—is it okay to let them stop? Will quitting set a negative precedent? What if we believe the activity is teaching important skills? Whose decision is it? Janet shares her perspective on the subject and offers guidelines for helping parents navigate this puzzling and often frustrating conundrum. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
24:22
It's Not Too Late to Stop Yelling or Spanking (with Lavinia Brown)
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet is ed by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these terrible parenting techniques are not working with my son. If anything, he has learned that it is acceptable to vent his frustrations by trying to hit me, kick me or scratch me." She desperately hopes she can heal her relationship with her son, who lately she noticed flinching in fear, but she worries, "Is it too late?" She also wonders how to get her husband on the same page. He tries to respect her choices but still believes that spanking can be effective. Lavinia and Janet offer their perspectives, suggestions, hope, and assurance that it's never too late for this parent or any parent to make positive, lasting changes in their relationships with their children. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
54:18
Tattling and Threats
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers, siblings, or us, like "If you don't do this, I'm going to... " (using their most challenging tone). Should they get away with this? How should we respond? Lastly, Janet covers actual warnings kids give us, like when they say, "I'm going to hit you," or "I'm about to hurt my sister." Shouldn't we be alarmed? Should we scold them and forbid them to say such things" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
21:25
Stop Whining
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Our child's whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. "Instead of playing with the entire Toys R Us we have in our home, she whines about the things she wants, and seriously, I'm going to lose my mind." Janet offers a perspective she hopes will help this parent and others whose kids won't seem to stop whining. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
25:02
Mean Kids
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
A parent writes to Janet that she's alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that's developed between her and her 4-year-old son, "a very sweet, genuine, kind little person," due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she's tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from her and her partner. The boy also makes threats like, "I'm going to punch you," sometimes following through. This mom suspects that two situations may be causing her son's behavior: "His sister is 18 months and speaking in short sentences, which I'm sure is a momentous change for him;" and "he is embroiled in ongoing conflict with two boys in his mixed age Montessori class. I say conflict, but it might be bullying." She's at a total loss and hoping Janet can offer her clarity and perspective. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
27:26
The Joy in Letting Babies Move Freely (with Elsa Chahin)
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote "respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult." Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa s Janet in this episode to discuss the innumerable, proven benefits of allowing babies to develop their motor skills naturally. These benefits include physical competence, self-awareness, judicial risk-taking, inner-directed joyful learning, emotional health, and an enduring belief in themselves as capable people. As Elsa and Janet explain it, trusting our child's natural motor development can even make parenting easier, because all babies need from us are secure, intimate relationships and freedom to move. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
39:02
Too Needy, Too Stubborn, Too Emotional, Too Bossy, Too...
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler's insistence on doing it himself, and another child's seemingly constant need for a parent's validation can all be seen (and approached far more effectively!) as strengths. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
25:09
I Don't Like My Kids, and That Breaks My Heart
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she's struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the issue and suggests a new approach for her to try. Surprisingly, the solution they come up with is not stricter enforcement, but just the opposite. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
27:25
If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad its that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but lately seems to have backfired because his four-year-old is now giving him ultimatums. The boy's behaviors have become more extreme, and in response the dad says he threatens unnatural consequences, which leads to tears, more guilt, and on and on. “I hate the whole cycle,” he says. “I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Mostly, I hate and fear the breaking of trust and the positive relationship that I have with him.” Janet offers her suggestions and encouragement. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
30:45
Resolving Our Kids' Annoying Behaviors
Episodio en Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids' persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents it they are struggling, and that the approaches they've tried just don't seem to be working. "... I am constantly getting at my child, telling her 'No, stop that, not so close,' etc., and after a while I get incredibly frustrated as I just need my personal space." "My two year old has taken to saying "hate you!" literally 25 plus times a day." "I dread having to go anywhere on my own with [my sons] for fear that I will be overwhelmed by their energy and powerless to keep them in-bounds in a way that feels unruffled." Janet recommends an overall shift in these parents' approach that she believes will give them the confidence they need to help resolve their issues, and can be applied to almost every behavioral challenge parents face. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
27:15
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